Gruntipedia Fun: Lord Shithead
Sentinel: LD-SHTHD-0905-7237 more commonly known as "Lord Shithead" to people with lives, or "Lourdu Shetoo Heeda" (to Mega Legos) is the name of a well-known Sentinel who is stationed on Hula Hoop installation 03. Created by some Forerunner that nobody knows or even cared about, the Forerunner had a really insane fetish for the color Blue, so he painted Shithead blue during Shithead's construction. During the Forerunner-Flood War, Lord Shithead was stationed on Installation 03 for some unknown reason. While he was on Installation 03, he met some monitor known as "666 Satan's Assbuddy". He conquered Satan's Assbuddy and now controls all the Forerunner objects on Hula Hoop 3. If you ever vacation on Installation 03, you may encounter Lord Shithead, he is sticks out easily because he's the only Sentinel with Facial Hair, he wears a crown, and he wears Christmas ornaments on his arm...head...crown...things. This is his story...BITCH!!! Early Life Like we said, Shithead was created by a random Forerunner named "Antonio Banderas". When Shithead was "born", he was a boy, well, the thing is, is that robot's don't have a gender, but Shithead has a robotic male voice, so I guess IT is a male, far as we can tell... His first words were something along the lines of: "I'MMA LYRICAL WORDSMITH, YO!" Antonio enjoyed acting a phool with his newly created companion, but the Forerunner Ruler dude or girl or hermaphodite or whatev decided that due to the Jesus aliens versus space zombies war, Shithead should be stationed on Installation 03. Antonio refused and said, "THIS IS MY SHITHEAD! GO GET YOUR OWN!!!", so for disobeying the ruler-thing, Antonio got Banhammered to the face, which obliterated him from existence without causing huge-ass time paradoxes and shit like that. Lord Shithead shouted, "Aww man dats not kool!!" at the Forerunner king guy. The Forerunner king guy then said, "You're going to Installation 03 whether you like it or not!" then he summoned 4 Huge-Ass Robotic Clusterfucks that fire missiles and have face shields and shit, who took him to Installation 03 by grabbing him and flying off the planet and flying onto the surface of Installation 03... Installation 03 Once the camera pans down from the huge-ass Star Wars-type captions and looks at space, we see Shithead struggling and squirming but cannot get out of the grip of the Enforcers. The Enforcer leader who was holding him (and had a really cool robo-afro) said, "One more squirm Sentinel, and I'll rip your eye from it's socket!" (Halo 2 Quote Intended). So then he was like, "Stop bullying me!!", and the Afroforcer shoved a techno-gag in his mouth-port or whatever Sentinels talk through because he sounded like a gay pussy. No further words were spoken until they arrived at Installation 03. When they arrived, a strange Monitor with a Christmassy green lightbulb eye appeared out of nowhere. The Monitor gave the Enforcers tenspots (and the Afroforcer a 50) and they released Shithead then flew off. The Monitor said, "Hello, I am 666 Satan's Assbuddy, Monitor of Children's Scrotu-I mean, Monitor of Installation 03. You must be my newest Sentinel, and you're blue! What a sexy color! *Cat Purr*". Shithead then got really nervous and all "WTF", because he was a homophobe. Then Assbuddy floated near Shithead and said, "So honey bunches, tell me what your name is" And Shithead said: "Shithead, Lord Shithead, and if you ever call me 'honey bunches' again, I will stab you in the face with a Jesus Knife and drain you of all your energy, even though Sentinels can't even use knives." replied Shithead. Satan's Assbuddy then said "Rawr, someone's playing hard to get :)". Then suddenly, 53,549 turds filled with AIDS crashed down onto the surface of Installation 03 out of nowhere. Satan's Assbuddy then turned and faced the AIDS infestation and said, "Oh, shit just got real, battle stations everyone!" Then, like, a zillion Forerunner bots, including Sentinels and Enforcers as well as those tiny mini-Sentinels in Halo 2, came out of a huge-ass portal and starting burning AIDS and protecting Installation 03's Control Room while the lazy Forerunners themselves sat there and did nothing but get killed and mutated into Lepers. "No time to feel your huge biceps, now, Shithead! Go and fight deez bitches!" said Satan's Assbuddy... Battle of Giant Hula-Hoop #3 Shithead flew as fast as he could to the battle scene, mainly to get the fuck away from that creepy-ass Satan's Assbuddy, then started pwning about a million AIDS without the help of the other bots. A Forerunner Leper shot all of the non-infected Forerunners with some type of Forerunner Laser Sniper Gun thingy, leaving about a bajillion bots blown up and a bazillion dead Forerunner bodies on the ring's surface, and why? All because some dumbass Forerunner told them "You know, we could fight the AIDS ourselves, but let's not". Nice going dipshit; you just stacked up yet another reason why it was a good thing for you all to commit suicide. The AIDS killed off the entire bot army, except Shithead. They thought (wait, they can't really think anyway, can they? O W8, they have the Gravemind thingy for thinking) that there was nothing that would come in between them and the control room. Either that or they wanted to just blot up the place because it was a building and buildings sucked in AIDS' opinion. Then Shithead quickly floated to the door of the control room and sed: "If you assholes even touch the fucking doorknob I'mma send you all back to hell just like I did to Walt Disney and N-Sync!". Then Dr. Phil spoke through a random Leper and shouted "Ha! You and what army?!", Lord Shithead replied to the Leper, "I don't need an army, watch this!" Shithead then grew 50 times in size. Shithead then said, "IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZAAR!!!", then Dr. Phil spoke through the same Leper and said, "Hoe...Lee...Shi..." he didn't get to finish the word "Shit" because Shithead shoop'd his huge ass lazah right then and vaporized them all to fuck, including the Tank Ubers and exploding AIDS super popcorn. Satan's Assbudy commented on that and said, "Wow! My robot penis is SO HARD right now!!!", causing Shithead to state: "Wait, what robot penis? You're a floating orb with a lightbulb in it, you don't have a penis". A few months after that epic battle, the Forerunners activated the Ark, killing everything. The Second Battle of Giant Hula-Hoop #3 Around the time when Master Chief and The Arbitard were fucking around in Halo 3. Something was happening on the peaceful Installation 03. Lord Shithead was talking shit about Satan's Assbuddy behind his back to other 'bots. The 'bots that he was talking to were fed up with 666's gayness as well. So they started a revolt against him. Lord Shithead did some kind of electrical thing with his 'bot soldiers so that 666 Satan's Assbuddy wouldn't be able to command them, and he programmed them to be under the command of himself. The new faction of 'bots was known as the "Stormcloak Rebellion" (Skyrim joke intended). The Stormcloaks attempted to Assassinate 666 Satan's Assbuddy. But they failed miserably because their beams missed him and he woke up from his sleep. When Satan's Assbuddy woke up he saw three Sentinels floating right in front of him. "What the heck are you guys doing?" he said. The Sentinels replied, "It was Lord Shithead's orders, and now you must die!". So then, Satan's Assbuddy then realized that Lord Shithead was not his bestie anymore. The Sentinels fired their beemz at Satan's Assbuddy, but Satan's Assbudy did some evasive manuevers and dodged them. Then fired his huge ass monitor laser at the Stormcloak assassins, killing all 3 of them. Then started the Second Battle of Installation 03 (also known as World War XIII) the remaining 'bots that were still loyal to 666 Satan's Assbuddy took command of his personal military: the "Imperial Army" (Another Skyrim joke intended). It was a cold war, to this day you can still see the destroyed bodies of Sentinels and Enforcers from both factions. But like I said in the first paragraph of this article, Shithead's forces were victorious. The war ended when Shithead met up face to face with Satan's Assbuddy. Shithead was floating around one night when suddenly, Satan's Assbuddy floats up right in front of him,"You traitor! I used to love you but now I haet you >:(" Lord Shithead then replied, "You see, that's kind of why I betrayed you..." then Satan's Assbuddy replied confused, "WHY DID YOU?!?!" then Shithead answered, "Because of your homosexual behaviors, I mean, I'm not a homophobe but when you hit on me and other Sentinels 24/7, it gets very annoying..." then Satan's Assbuddy said, "Well! Excuse ME for being nice!". Shithead got pissed off and said, "Enough talk! Let's have our epic battle, NAO!!!". So they started firing their lazerz at eachother, after about 60 hours of pointless laser firing they realized that they were evenly matched. Fortunately for 666, Shithead didn't do that thing he did in the first battle of hula hoop 3, or 666 would have been FUCKED (it should be mentioned here that the 50X growth thing only happens when Shithead is EXTREMELY pissed off). But, Satan's Assbuddy ran out of lazer fuel, so he couldnt fire a lazer anymore. So that led to his uber pwnage from Lord Shithead firing it directly at Satan's Assbuddy without it overheating (because he's epic) for exactly 10 minutes. Satan's Assbuddy then exploded from the damage, leaving Shithead victorious and able to tea-bag Satan's Assbuddy's destroyed robot parts. When the war ended the remaining soldiers from both the Imperial bastards and the Stormcloaks united into one and Lord Shithead became their Leader. He actually became the monitor of Installation 03, not literally though, he still had the appearrance of a Sentinel but he had the role of a Monitor. He greets newcomers by saying, 'Whatzup bitch, I'm Lord Shithead, monitor of Installation 03, yea I'm a Sentinel and I have the role of a monitor, big whoop, wanna fight about it?". But when the Human-Covenant War ended, Lord Shithead still commanded the 'bots on Space Donut 03, but he needed to make some money, so he decided to become a Bungie employee. So when he's at work, his son, Lord Fuckwad (don't ask me how robots can reproduce), fullfills the role as leader of the 'bots on Installation 03. Life as a Bungie Employee Like I said, after the War of the Gays and the Uglys, Lord Shithead became a bungie employee. Did he like it? NO! He fucking hated it! He didn't like to deal with bitching fans and n00bs always emailing him saying "I CAN HAZ BLOO FLAMING RECON NAO???". One day, he got an email from a wigger that was a halo fan. The email said, "Yo DaWg, WaTuP mAH NiKKA?? CaN U GiVe Me DaT rEc0n H3lMe7, tHanX bRaH - White Thuggsta" this made Lord Shithead very angry, he flew all the way to the Wigger's house and found the wigger masturbating to a copy of Halo 3. Shithead shot the wigger with his Sentinel Beam, which killed him. Then came about 9 other Wiggers that shot their water pistols at Lord Shithead. Lord Shithead retaliated at them and fired his laser at all of them, they dodged it, but one of the wiggers said, "Oh shit guys! He actually has a real gun! RUN!". So then the 9 wiggers ran away while leaving trails of piss behind them. Lord Shithead mumbled to himself, "*Sigh* some people just need to learn that they're not tough..." he flew back to Bungie's headquarters only to find bad news. The Firing Bungie got sued OVER $9,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 moneyz by the Wigger that Lord Shithead killed's mother. So they fired Lord Shithead, which pissed him off very much. It resulted in the murder of Bungie's leader, Bill Gates. Cops came rushing to the crime scene, only to find out that poor Bill was killed by a Sentinel beam, and they knew exactly who murdered him with one. Lucky for Shithead, he was already all the way over on Installation 03 before the cops could find him. But now since his story ended right here, his wife dumped him and now he needs a companion to rule Installation 03 with, so ladies, would you like to date Lord Shithead? He has a big Sentinel Beam, a VERY BIG Sentinel Beam... The Attempted Assassination Although the cops on Earth didn't find Lord Shithead, the Grunty inquisition did. On October 10, 2558, the Grunty inquisition launched a failed assassination attempt on Lord Shithead for 2 reasons, he conquered Installation 03 and he murdered a poor wigger who wanted flaming recon. Three Phantoms of the Grunty Inquisition flew down to Installation 03 attempting to pwn Lord Shithead. Each phantom had it's own group, Kwarsh leading a small squad of Special Ops Grunts imbued with the bomb ass Gruntiness, another having Elites and the other having Soviet Russians. Little did they know that 3 Phantoms filled with Kwarsh and his Grunts, Elites, and Soviet Russians was STILL not enough to bring down Shithead's legion of righteous SWAG. When the Phantoms came down to Installation 03, Shithead first flew over to the Soviet Russian Phantom. Shithead did his usual rude greeting (jerk...), then he said: "What's up motherfucker, welcome to Installation 03, I'm Lord Shithead." Suddenly, one of the Russians pulled out a Shotgun and said "In Soviet Installation 03, Shotgun shoots YOU!!!" then the gun went pow, and the Russian did some kind of Russian chant, leaving Shithead injured but not dead. Then came in about a bajillion Sentinels and Enforcers to Shitheads rescue, starting another Installation 03 battle, AGAIN... One of the Enforcers grabbed the damaged Lord Shithead and threw an unlimited Drop Shield over him, and due to hax, you couldn't walk through it. Lord Shithead had an unstoppable force that even Kwarsh and the forces of Gruntiness couldn't handle, for every 2 seconds a new Sentinel was automatically being built, and every 6 seconds a new Enforcer was being built, because Lord Shithead is a smart muhfuckka and knew something like this would happen. The Soviet Russians were shot by Sentinel Nazis and the Elites bailed back to J'Suz Kusov's pad. Kwarsh yelled to his remaining Grunts, "Get the fuck out of here! Let's go, Goddammit, do you fucking see how many dead bodies of US there are and how many active bodies of THEM there are? We need to leave, NOW DUMBASSES! Who's smart idea was it to try to assassinate Shithead? It wasn't mine I'll tell ya that!" so the surviving troops all falled back into their Phantom and left like the pussies they were. They almost achieved their goal because Shithead was injured, but the next day Shithead was visited by God who decided to fully repair Shithead by kissing his boo-boos. It worked too, Shithead was as good as new. Yay! What he does Now He still rules...you know what installation it is. But now this is what he does to make money, he was hired by a grunt to watch over the articles of the very site you are on right now. He enjoys this job way more than his Bungie employement because he likes deleting retarded arti- Personality I never really told you what Shithead was like now did I? Well I'm going to now. Shithead is kind of like a mix of Charlie the Unicorn and Rick James off of the Dave Chapelle skit, by that I mean he is lethargic and disrespectful to everyone, mainly Women. He's a huge asshole just like his hero Kanye West and thinks he matters more than anyone else and he whines/complains/bitches alot. But the thing is, he's such a huge ass because he's had a hard life and has been around too many Douchebags. I mean, he was sent to Installation 03 against his will, he witnessed his own creator get banhammered to the face, he was constantly sexually harrassed by a homo monitor, he got fired from his job at Bungie so now he's unemployed, his wife dumped him for that asshole medicant bias so now he has to raise Lord Fuckwad all by himself, and the most depressing thing of all...his name is Lord Shithead. So yeah, if you've been through what he has, you'd be a total ass too. Whole Story in Short Lord Shithead is an ultra powerful Traffic Cone that shitted from Antonio Banderas' ass and was sent to Installation 03 for absolutely no reason other than being a badass Sentinel. He conquered the hula hoop by killing some gay Lightbulb that makes 343 Guilty Spark look straight. He then became a whiney fuck and makes everyone become as miserable as he is. And he made his slaves build McDonalds resteraunts on his Hula Hoop because he likes McDonalds and he makes people work for teh lulz. He also has a son named Lord Fuckwad. The end. Shit he did *Interrupt the Call of Duty Humor wiki *Interrupt Kanye West *Murder 666 Satan's Assbuddy *Kill a wigger *Made 9 wiggers run away and piss themselves *Murder Bill Gates *Kill a whole army of AIDS *Called you a slut *Called me a slut *Called your mom a slut *Called your dad a slut *Called your dog a slut *Work for Bungie *Reproduced in some odd way and had a son named "Lord Fuckwad " *Formed an rebellion called the Stormcloaks *Rule Installation 03 (and he's still doing it) *Performed a vasectomy on Lady GaGa while she was asleep with his sentinel beam and lended her balls to Justin Bieber. *Directed a low budget porn movie called "2 Sentinels 1 Cup" *Became friends with Master Chief and The Arbitard while hanging out at McDonalds. *Had a Yo Momma battle with 343 Guilty Spark and 2401 Penitent Tangent *Took a dump (it's mentioned because robot's can't do this and it's amazing how Shithead could do it) *Tea-bagged 666 Satan's Assbuddy's broken robot parts. *Worked as a traffic cone in the roads of Harlem, New York (no gangs ever fucked with him, he was to intimidating) *Cried while watching Ol' Yeller (how can robot's cry) *Shot Pauly D in the anus for "just being too Pauly D-ish" *Had "fun" with Snooki (Snooki has a fetish for Electronic things, so its possible that she shoved your cell phone into her vagina) *Sexually harrassed Kim Mathers, Selena Gomez, and Thee Pi Lourrd's cousin all in 10 seconds. *Threw a shitfit when he didn't when the Grammy Awards *Got eaten by a Noob and was shat out by a Noobasauras Rex (don't ask) *Pwned 4Chan and Halopedia simultaneously when 4Chan made him an internet meme *Bossed around Pvt. Ramirez in MW2 *Fought the Grunty inquisition *Raped a couch while eating a double double that was double dipped *Acted in a movie about a toy giraffe that gets AIDS and must have sex with a plant to stop Cats from changing time (he was what the cats used to stop time) *Destroyed a bridge after he sneezed (how can robots sneeze) *Stopped Gary Busey from eating a newborn baby's skin (He ate it instead) *Discovered robot AIDS *Created a tiger abomination that rapes kittens) *Pwned the Arbitard with a box on FUCKIN SNOWBOUND *Fired his lazor out his ass while chugging Gruntiness Trivia *He and Needler Sentinel are the only famous Sentinels because the rest nobody care about. *He and Needler Sentinel were seperated at birth. *He is the only Sentinel that can talk (to he is, because he talks to everyone, every Sentinel can talk, but they only talk to other Forerunner inventions) *His favorite word is "Slut" *He loves McDonalds and has made his slaves build McDonalds buildings on Installation 03 *He is the only Sentinel able to grow a beard *His favorite rapper is Kanye West *He got his clothing from a dead Marine while he was on Earth *He doesn't love you *He once tried to attach the alpha hula hoop to his body, but failed epically and ended upreleasing hordes of flood upon poor, innocent (cute) Grunts. *In Soviet Russia, he does love YOU!!! *He is the most powerful thing in the galaxy next to Master Chief and Bill Guy. *He once ran a KFC in the Compton ghetto, but it became a KKK clubhouse for kids (Kool Kids Klub) when Shithead declared that blacks were banned. As you can tell, that didn't sit well with the local niggas. *Lord Shithead secretly runs The Best Gamers. That's how much of a shithead he is. Category:Douchebags Category:Shit people complain about Category:Characters Category:Things you shouldn't use for intercourse Category:Mythical Beings Category:Your Mother Category:Unseen Characters Category:People who are old Category:People who can Kill Master Chief Category:People attacked by the grunty inquisition Category:Forerunner Category:Tall people Category:Smart Idiots Category:Assholes Category:Things that kick ass Category:Unseen Characters Category:Gruntipedia Inside Jokes Category:B-class articles Category:Stuff Category:People who are awesome